The Election’s Over, Finally!

You know, I’m so glad that the elections are finally over. OK, technically speaking, November 02 is “Election Day” which means it isn’t quite over, but after tonight, no more smegging commercials saying why I should or shouldn’t vote one way or another. No more bleeding phone calls from people, including one from President Bush*, telling me how to vote. I’m so sick of the whole mess.

I voted a week early thanks to an absentee ballot. Boy, I love those things. No lines, no waiting, no troubles at all other than making sure I have proper return postage. Not only that, but I can sit at my PC and research every candidate and ballot initiate at my leisure. So when I get to the portion of our ballot that says, “Shall Judge So-and-So be retained?”, I know how to answer. You really have to love the modern age which allows this to happen.

At the same time, I’m troubled by efforts to use this to cheat. If my state requires me to provide proof that I am the real AstroNerdBoy, I have no problems doing so. After all, not everyone is allowed to vote in our elections and I don’t want those smeg heads voting. Yet I hear people saying that requiring people to prove they are who they say they are, and as such have a right to vote, is wrong. Why?

I don’t know if this is true or not, but I read that the 9-11 killers were registered to vote in the US. I haven’t researched this to see if it is true or not (you can’t believe everything you read on the Internet), but for the sake of discussion, let’s assume it is true. That’s not a stretch to believe since just the other day, some kids who were paid to register people were caught registering people in prison. Those folks have no right to vote, having forfeited it by committing crimes and getting thrown in prison.

So if they 9-11 hijackers were registered to vote, what does it say about our system? To me, it says we need tighter controls over people who register to vote. Those who aren’t supposed to vote in our elections should be rejected. So why do some people reject the rules and accuse people of voter intimidation (or worse) if they try to enforce the rules?

I can only come up with one conclusion — voter fraud.

We don’t hear a lot about it in the mainstream press. You hear a little more about it if you cruise various local news sites. There have been way to many cases like those of the kids registering prisoners to vote. There was an article about a small town which has more registered voters than citizens according to the census. There have been other articles where people have been paid to register folks, but have just made up names. One article even mentioned that a guy was paid in crack cocaine. What the smeg?

This crap isn’t anything new though. The 1960 election is considered by many to be a stolen election. I bet you’ve only heard that term used for the 2000 election.

Mr. Nixon lost Texas and Illinois in that election, and the overall popular vote by less than 120,000 votes. There is evidence that there was a lot of voter fraud going on by supporters of Mr. Kennedy in both states, causing both to fall into Mr. Kennedy’s column. Basically, a lot of votes were cast by dead people, made up people, and the like. Unlike Mr. Gore in 2000, Mr. Nixon chose not to contest the election even though he may have been right to do so.

So to keep folks from stuffing ballots for their favorite candidate, let’s make sure the people who are voting are actually eligible to vote. If I hear Yoda voted for President Bush or Senator Kerry, I’m going to be angry!

As for the election itself, the mean person inside me has one wish — a Bush landslide! Why? Because then those elitist snobs who are always trying to tell me what I can and can’t do and force their beliefs on me will be completely devastated. It will be worse because they will have been beaten by a complete moron who can’t tell the time of day and is nothing but a backward, Bible-thumping fundamentalist Christian (I guess Senator Kerry going to “black churches” is OK though).

Oh yes, it would be sweet indeed. Of course the downside is that Kerry will scream about stolen elections, voter intimidation, black votes being destroyed (how do they know who’s votes are black anyway?), and then subject the nation to more lawsuits that Gore inflicted us with. Ah, seeing an elitist crushed will be worth it though.

*OK, so it was a recording and not an actual call from the President.

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